I don’t know why, but today I have been thinking
about moving a lot and it’s making me nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very
excited to come down. I guess it’s just the reality that in three months we
will be married and I’ll be transitioning to a new home, new city, new school,
new rules… it’s all really sinking in of how close that really is. I think part
of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t ever felt completely comfortable
and settled at Michigan State and the fact that my home life hasn’t felt like
home in quite a few years.
For some reason, it’s a mind weighing thought of
being down there and actually being home instead of constantly going out like I
do now. Not that’s a bad thing at all. It’s just been a really long time since
I’ve actually wanted to come home and stay there for more than the fact that
I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep. I look forward to wanting to come home to be able to see
you, and being able to just relax and be comfortable. Be able to talk about my
day with someone that cares, do homework and be able to talk about with someone
instead of just plugging in my headphones and tuning out the world. But it also
is going to be an adjustment of sorts. Now, I go to school, go home when I know
no one will be there, and leave before anyone gets home and stay out until I’m
too tired to function and just go home and crash.
The thought of starting another school is thrilling
but intimidating as well. High school like thoughts pop into my head of what
happens if it’s terrible, or I don’t make friends, or I have the same problems
there that I’ve been having at Michigan State? They’re all concerns I’ve talked
about before and even discussed with the advisors at UTEP, and I know it’s a
risk, but that the overall likelihood is low. My enjoyment of classes and
making friends all will depend on my attitude, I know, and I’m more than
confident that being down their I will be much more open and relaxed and able
to make new friends without as much worry and hesitation that I seem to have
here at home because of all the other drama that goes on in my life.
I miss you a lot Corey. I know a lot of my
unnecessary worrying is partially because I can’t really talk to you and be
able to get all of this out of my head. It’s the biggest change I’ve ever made
in my life completely uprooting and going somewhere new, but it’s a chance I
think that will be worth it in the end. It’d just be nice to be able to talk to
you on the phone and get these worries out of my head and know that everything
is going to be okay. I know the simple fact of coming home to someone who
actually cares about how I’m doing and whom I care about their daily routine
with be the biggest blessing. I miss my mom being able to just see my mood from
the expression on my face and caring to ask what’s wrong.
I love you very much hunny. I hope none of this
makes you concerned at all. Again, I’m still very excited to be coming down
there in July/August and am sure it’s going to be one of the best life changing
experiences and be a better, more loving situation that I’ll thrive in. But
there’s always that part of me that still sees Michigan as home. I talked to
Alex a bit about this today, and he said he felt the same way when he left for
the Marines. Granted, he doesn’t really care for that situation, but he doesn’t
mind California and could empathize with how I’m feeling. He agreed it’ll be a
great adventure and said his biggest regret is just not communicating more with
everyone at home or being able to physically come home more.
I’ll talk to you soon my love. At least this week
has felt like it’s gone by fast, even though the days seem to drag.
Always
yours,
Arielle Elyse Potter
4/26/2012
1826
PM
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