A Daily Letter...

And it's been over 24 hours since I've slept and I've only been home to shower. I am so exhausted right now, I'm pretty sure half of my blood is actually Red Bull right now. I have 2 of the 4 essays for my Museum Studies class done, I'm pretty confident about my French final, it's this African Art History that is kicking my ass right now. The powerpoint she posted for the Final review is 30 slides, each slide containing 2 images and all the information relating to them that I have to memorize for tomorrow even though she only picks out 10 images for the Final exam.

Right now, all of the images I look through look exactly the same to me. So, I'm going to be staying here in the library for yet another evening of joyous fun staring at my computer until my eyes hurt. I feel like after my final tomorrow I'm going to need a drink to be able to take the edge off.

I miss you a lot. I'm so grouchy and tired right now, it'd be nice to have a hug.

Arielle Elyse Potter
5/1/2012
0111 AM

A Daily Letter...

I am so sorry for freaking out on you and getting upset, hunny. I do love you with all my heart and I am happy as hell that I got to talk to you finally. I didn't realize how much of this week I had been repressing and how hard I had been trying this week to just not feel anything. It's easy for me to tough it out through everything and not think about how much it mentally and physically is affecting me, but when I started talking to you I could feel my face getting hot and my the walls I had built in my head to keep me safe from everything and everyone around me melt away. It was like, the more I started talking to you the more I realized how unhappy I truly feel and how stressed out this week has made me. I guess it is,  in a way, a good thing that I just feel so comfortable and safe with you that I don't have to pretend that everything is okay. That I feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable, imperfect and human.


I didn't mean to freak out on you or make you angry with me. I do love you with all my heart Corey.

God, I feel like I have been at the library forever, I cannot believe I am still awake and going right now. Thank God for food delivery and energy drinks.

Always yours,
Arielle Elyse Potter
4/30/2012
0245 AM

A Daily Letter...

Since Friday, I have spent more time in the library then anywhere else. I've even slept here Friday and Saturday night, and tonight is the same way. There is so much stuff I have to get done for finals and I just keep losing motivation like it's cool. At least I've had a fun group to study with and a shit ton of Monster, Red Bull, Coffee and junk food. I even brought pajamas to change into tonight and a bunch of blanket for us as a contribution to my group.

I've got four papers I have to completely re-do for my Museum Studies class and hopefully he will still give me full credit on them since Angel essentially ate all of my work. I'm also working on my Art History paper, making flash cards for French as well as mock essays for my French final. Hopefully I don't get another ticket tonight. I went out to the truck this morning to go home and shower and sleep in my bed for a bit, and Steve, the guy that has been hitting on me, left me a $25 ticket on my truck. It's a Sunday morning!! I can't even be given a ticket, yet he's being a dick. So, Monday I get to go to MSUPD and fight it and throw "Stove" under the bus because I'm really sick of him harassing me and ticketing the piss out of my truck. This past week he gave me two tickets to be an irritant. 

My mom and I actually had a "heart to heart" today, which was really awkward but somewhat good. I don't really know if it'll actually change anything in our relationship, but she did apologize and we talked for a while when I was home getting changed to come back up here to the library. 

Anyways, I don't really know what else to talk about. Basically I'm just running on empty trying to get all of my papers done and then hopefully have time left over to actually study for my finals on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Love you,

Arielle Elyse Potter

4/29/2012

22:27 PM

Studying in the quiet room...

A Daily Letter...

I don’t know why, but today I have been thinking about moving a lot and it’s making me nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited to come down. I guess it’s just the reality that in three months we will be married and I’ll be transitioning to a new home, new city, new school, new rules… it’s all really sinking in of how close that really is. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t ever felt completely comfortable and settled at Michigan State and the fact that my home life hasn’t felt like home in quite a few years.

For some reason, it’s a mind weighing thought of being down there and actually being home instead of constantly going out like I do now. Not that’s a bad thing at all. It’s just been a really long time since I’ve actually wanted to come home and stay there for more than the fact that I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep. I look forward to wanting to come home to be able to see you, and being able to just relax and be comfortable. Be able to talk about my day with someone that cares, do homework and be able to talk about with someone instead of just plugging in my headphones and tuning out the world. But it also is going to be an adjustment of sorts. Now, I go to school, go home when I know no one will be there, and leave before anyone gets home and stay out until I’m too tired to function and just go home and crash.

The thought of starting another school is thrilling but intimidating as well. High school like thoughts pop into my head of what happens if it’s terrible, or I don’t make friends, or I have the same problems there that I’ve been having at Michigan State? They’re all concerns I’ve talked about before and even discussed with the advisors at UTEP, and I know it’s a risk, but that the overall likelihood is low. My enjoyment of classes and making friends all will depend on my attitude, I know, and I’m more than confident that being down their I will be much more open and relaxed and able to make new friends without as much worry and hesitation that I seem to have here at home because of all the other drama that goes on in my life.

I miss you a lot Corey. I know a lot of my unnecessary worrying is partially because I can’t really talk to you and be able to get all of this out of my head. It’s the biggest change I’ve ever made in my life completely uprooting and going somewhere new, but it’s a chance I think that will be worth it in the end. It’d just be nice to be able to talk to you on the phone and get these worries out of my head and know that everything is going to be okay. I know the simple fact of coming home to someone who actually cares about how I’m doing and whom I care about their daily routine with be the biggest blessing. I miss my mom being able to just see my mood from the expression on my face and caring to ask what’s wrong.

I love you very much hunny. I hope none of this makes you concerned at all. Again, I’m still very excited to be coming down there in July/August and am sure it’s going to be one of the best life changing experiences and be a better, more loving situation that I’ll thrive in. But there’s always that part of me that still sees Michigan as home. I talked to Alex a bit about this today, and he said he felt the same way when he left for the Marines. Granted, he doesn’t really care for that situation, but he doesn’t mind California and could empathize with how I’m feeling. He agreed it’ll be a great adventure and said his biggest regret is just not communicating more with everyone at home or being able to physically come home more.

I’ll talk to you soon my love. At least this week has felt like it’s gone by fast, even though the days seem to drag.

Always yours,

Arielle Elyse Potter

4/26/2012

1826 PM

A Daily Letter...

Only one more day of French left... after my class tomorrow I only have my final in Art History on Tuesday and then my final in French on Wednesday and I'm complete done with classes for the semester. While I'm relieved as hell to be done with this semester and essentially done with Michigan State (once they finished dragging their feet over this Financial Aid business), it also feels really surreal. I still have that thought in the back of my head from when I was a freshman starting out of "Well, this will be great and I will graduate in 2013 with a Bachelor's Degree a Michigan State Spartan". I guess it's just an epiphany moment of "wow..." none of this went as I had planned and fell out from under my feet. It's just weird to think that this Fall Semester I'm not going to be in the normal buildings, getting parking tickets in the normal areas... I guess it's all really hitting me here at the end.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy as hell not to have to go through lackluster professors and Administration and Financial Aid problems anymore, and hopefully EPCC and UTEP are a much better fit, again it's just weird because Michigan State is my home school. I know campus like the back of my hand (I even know what teacher's lounges I can steal coffee out of), and it'll be weird essential not knowing where anything is anymore.

It's weird I feel relieved and sad somewhat at the same time. Just got to keep moving forward and working towards something better. And like I said, hopefully EPCC and UTEP are a much better experience and I come out feeling like I actually learned something from my classes each semester.


I'll be very excited and happy to be down there with you, and hopefully everything goes well and I get rid of this bad luck I feel has been nipping at my heels, but I'm also really nervous and somewhat scared just because I don't have that safety net of "home" anymore. It's not like on a boring night I can just go hangout with Tyler or drive to Beaner's and talk with the baristas. Hell, I'll probably get lost for a while if I just go out for a drive. That's why I keep joking with Tyler I need a cheap little 250CC motorcycle. So when I'm bored in the evenings that you're out in the field, I can go for a drive, be cheap on fuel, and just kind of see where I end up.


I started sketching again. I've been keeping that sketchbook I doodled in while you were home in the truck so when I'm sitting on campus between classes or what not I can just draw a little bit. I forgot how much I zone out when I draw. I was sitting on campus yesterday just doodling a picture of a tree and didn't even notice that a bunch of the construction workers near by were staring at the truck because I was blaring music until one of them yelled "Hey, good song!" and scared the shit out of me.

I miss you very much and hope that the field is going well.

Love you,
Arielle Elyse Potter
4/26/2012
1200 AM

                            My sketch from yesterday... and yes my feet are hanging out the truck window.
                                                    What can I say? I was comfortable... :)

A Daily Letter...

God, this afternoon was horribly long. Went to my Museum Studies Final Presentation and even though my group (finally) worked hard and presented well together the first thing out of my professor's mouth was "this all looks schizophrenic." What the hell kind of opener is that?! Neither of our teachers for the course seemed to have anything positive to point out from our presentation, they seemed to only focus on the things they felt were "missing" like having a section with images of cows being slaughtered. Yeah, that's a great way to get little kids to come into an exhibit about cute little cows. That's like if in the end of Babe, Paul Newman turned the pig into bacon... I don't think that'd movie still be a classic.

Another group did Warfare and Weapons and had images all over of dead bodies from WWII, The Gulf War, and the current war and called it a commemoration and were praised for their exhibit. It may just be me, but there's a much more tasteful way of explaining the realities of death and for commemoration without just showing bodies everywhere. The Vietnam Wall... wall of names not a wall of a bunch of dead bodies. I'm glad I'm done with this Museum Studies class, it is not at ALL what I had hoped it would be.

I've been working on the wedding some more too. I went through our registry at Target and added a few things like a dining room table cause we happened to have forgotten that. I also made a really small registry through Bed, Bath and Beyond. I didn't pick out much, just pillows and picture frames, etc. but I figure it's cheaper things if people want to buy a gift but don't want to have to put a fortune into it. And I picked out things like towels, a bathroom rug thingy, and simple things like that.

I feel exhausted today. Been feeling like I'm running on an 1/8th of a tank all day long, but I'm still pushing to get everything done and stay busy. I have a feeling I'm going to sleep like the dead tonight though. Haven't been feeling all that great still and every so often get really dizzy and light headed, but I've been trying to keep an eye on it.

Yesterday, I helped Tyler mow one of his yards and by the end was getting to the point I was going to pass out and throw up because of having low blood pressure and low iron, and was a good girl and called it quits. I kept hearing your voice in my head of "Hunny, you need to take care of yourself". It's hard for me to slow down though when I feel like there's a million things I should be completing and I don't get everything done that's on my mental check list. But you're like my little conscious that tells me to chill out and stop stressing. It's a good thing don't get me wrong, just hard to get use to. It'll be nice though when we are living together :)

Apparently Tim Simon didn't know I was moving down to Texas either. I was talking to him on Facebook while I was in my Museum Studies class (yes, I really did pay attention to the other groups Powerpoints, kinda) and was telling him of that I'm happy as hell this is my last semester at Michigan State, and he had no idea I guess I was moving down to Texas soon after the wedding. I guess I'm going to have to do a big going away party or something to make sure I clue everyone in.

I love and miss you very much my love. It's nearly impossible to get you out of my head, and I cannot wait to be able to talk to you soon.

Always yours,
Arielle Elyse Potter
4/24/2012
2025 PM

Bet you can't guess where I am at tonight... ;)

A Daily Letter...

My French Oral is finally done and over with! Insert giant sigh of relief here. After my partner emailed me that she just planned on failing the course leaving me to do the oral on my own, my teacher allowed me to just write about anything to talk about in front of her. I ended up writing a page and a half about you and I. I basically explained how we met, and our relationship with you being in the Army, and ended talking about the wedding and my feelings about moving down to Texas. Overall, I feel like I did pretty well on it. I tried to stay calm and talk with emotion, and she laughed and did a lot of "Aw, how cute" so I think that's a good sign.

I have my Final Group Presentation left for today in my Museum Studies class, so hopefully that goes well also. I get to present the last four slides of our presentation... I must be very important to my group. I'm not to concerned about it though, because in group presentations, I'm usually really comfortable taking the lead and talking in front of the class.

I've also been working on stuff for the wedding to help stay busy. I called East Lansing Parks and Recreation and they said most of their parks are booked and suggested calling Meridian Township again. So I guess this just encourages my driving around to look at different parks around town that might work well for the reception. I also went and picked up the stuff to be able to print out the invitations so that I can mail them either this weekend or early next week, which is pretty exciting.

I also have a job interview tomorrow. It's nothing to special, just at a new restaurant that they are putting on campus, but I'm still very excited that I got a call back from my application. On the phone, the boss said he found my last name amusing. Maybe I have a Harry Potter nerd on my side? It's always a good thing to at least bond with a potential employer over the most mundane things I guess. Hopefully my interview goes well. Waitress wage may not be great, but it would give me extra money for during the semester. That and we both know I'm good at making conversation with the most random people I meet. Today I actually had a conversation with a guy whose in the other French 201 class. I was sitting in the truck with the windows down practicing over and over again my oral just reciting to the steering wheel, and he pulled up next to me and heard I had Five Finger Death Punch playing. We both just started talking about how nervous we were for our final and music. I guess I just look friendly.

I also stopped and picked up the fourth book in the Game of Thrones series for Alex that you told me about to put into a small care package to send him. Alex and his unit are being moved to a different part of Afghanistan that's more of a "hot spot". He said he's nervous but that he appreciated you and I sending him books and what not.

I miss you a lot though hunny. It's weird to not text anyone all day long or to say "good morning" or "goodnight" to you. But, I've been trying my best to stay busy and try and not let it plague my mind too much. You're just miss-able is all. Hopefully the field is going well for you so far. Not too hectic, but enough to keep you busy and make the time out there seem like it's flying bye. I love you very much!

Arielle Elyse Potter
4/24/2012
1052 AM